The Handless Orgasm

You, fair readers, are in for a treat. Apparently (read: in the opinion of two drunken buddies) my blog needs “more fucking, less chemistry.” And I’m a man who gives the people what they want.

Enter Slightest Touch. It’s a device women can hook up to their ankles in order to stimulate the nerve pathways that lead to orgasm, without touching a thing (except for a plastic button to turn the thing on, of course). Fucking awesome! After ten to thirty minutes of electrical pulses, gentle stimulation can finish the job. Interesting neuroscience notwithstanding, imagine the repercussions for the vibrator industry! No more shaky sexual instruments sucking up our electrical power, which is growing more and more valuable every day! No sir, Slightest Touch is saving the environment one auto-erotic female at a time. I’m going to pick one up to demonstrate my commitment to the environment…and my support for women’s liberation everywhere.

Seriously though, from this point on I won’t let a single female tell me she can’t reach orgasm…not until the forceful, undeniably electrical grip of Slightest Touch has ensnared her nervous system and she has walked away un-peaked. Men are mere animals, prone to fickle emotions and pissing women off, but Slightest Touch is a machine…a stimulation machine whose sole purpose in life is to grant women the ultimate in physical pleasure. In other words, my perfect role model. I have seen the light, and I can now die in peace, confident that anything is possible. Thank you Slightest Touch. Thank you.

I, for one, welcome our lady-stimulating robot overlords.

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8 Comments

  1. the fact that the pads are placed on the ankles made me wonder if all that Victorian coyness about exposing them had some hidden agenda during the 19th C….

    Reply

  2. I think you can buy them online…not sure though. They’ve been out in the US for a while but they’re starting to become all the rage in Europe.

    mjenks: that sounds like something my ex’s mom would use. She was a felon who sold sex toys…

    Reply

  3. She was a felon who sold sex toys…

    That is so awesome. When you become famous, for writing or chemistry or whatever, you have to work that into your bio.

    Unless you become some sort of clergy. Then leave it out.

    Reply

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